Conan’s Corner

March has been most unwelcome with the arrival of the first two bunches of Agents of Chaos. Fortunately for me, they are with Miss Andrea and Miss Sue, so a long way away from my gaze.

Secondly Sam brought me some catnip she found in her cupboard – excuse me? That indicates old catnip, not new stuff! It was majorly inferior so I refused to touch it. Some of the younger ones chased it around for a while but even they lost interest. Talk about lack of dedication to duty. There is still a vacancy for a new butler, please apply before I maim her (although I am pleased to see that she still has the scars of my displeasure).

We have been talking about bringing back the house band ‘Take Cat’ which was quite successful a couple of years ago. Naturally I am still taking the part of Gary Barlow with Gordi as Mark (the small scruffy, 70s throwback one), Raul as Robbie (the cheeky and manic one), Marmite as Jason (the mysterious one) and Mario as Howard (the dancer). Felix really wanted a role so we gave him the title of ‘associate manager’ (think Louis Walsh). Rehearsals start as soon as everybody has finished eating and sleeping so it could all take a while ….

It’s been quite windy recently which makes things rattle and it can be a bit scary. Naturally I can’t let on that I’m scared otherwise the others will doubt my leadership qualities and that will never do. I’m told the wind can’t hurt us as the building is very secure but, in the middle of the night, we all huddle together for security.

By the time I write my column next month, I will have been visited by one of my sponsors from Engerland, Miss Lesley and Mr Dave will have started his walkies thing to get my en-suite built. I am hoping for spectacular Engerland-ish treats and I am looking forward to many more donations for Mr Dave!

It has been 1 day since I clawed somebody, I am losing my touch.

May the paws be with you! Love Conan x