Welcome back dear readers – your friendly bard, visionary and patriarch here again.
Well, you know there’s a saying in England that it’s “raining cats and dogs”? I’ve never understood it but literally this month it has rained kittens! Well, one kitten – Claude and I looked round one morning and a tiny stranger was in our midst. And eating our food. Naturally this cannot be allowed so we went over to see it off and found out it was a very feisty tri-colour girl. Of course we are gentlemen first and foremost, so we let the kitten have some more food and then she was up the fence, though the most TINY gap in the roof – and away! Well, we just looked at each other. Claude suggested we might climb the fence and inspect the escape route but then we looked at the size of ourselves and realised that no gap would be big enough (the disadvantages of our physiques being rubenesque). We alerted the Authorities to the situation of course.
Breakfast was an hour LATE last month! Apparently due to clocks changing or something – can I just make it very clear that cats do NOT HAVE A CLOCK CHANGE so we expect food at the same time each day – it’s not hard to grasp really? Hello, complaints department ?
We are now in the run up to Christmas and soon it will be a whole year since I have been dictating my column. I have managed to solve some grievances (naturally I had many), escaped from Felix who seemed keen on murdering me and made new friends. Sam asked me if I had any new year resolutions but, quite frankly, this year I have been fantastic and next year I will be continue to be just as fantastic, plus devilishly handsome as I nurture my winter coat into magnificence. I thought it was a ridiculous question to ask me but she’s not known for being the most sensible.
Until next time lovely people, hope you all enjoy your Navidad and, of course, if there’s any turkey going spare, you know where to send it … love and paws, Conan x